a tiring day

dunno why cannot get to sleep yesterday night, so shag when i went back to camp today.. talk to my CSM and again like the previous CSM he agreed to help me so i will see what action he have. have been living aimlessly for quite sometimes so i should start to pick up myself slowly, will not give in to setback. another experience that i need to go thru with my life. in this realistic world, nothing mean more than money. with money i can do alot of things. not going to hold on to something that dun belong to me..

update for this few days..

never blog for a week, for the past few days never do much just resting at home or chill out with my friends.. on the 27 sat, i went to visit my son but did not get to hug him as i am not feeling well so don wan to spread the germs to him.. he looked fine and i am really glad to see him, the feeling are so wonderful. but after seeing him i am sad.. still considering whether should i go ahead with what i have plan?? kind of difficult but trying my best to come up with a decision fast. tomorrow have to report back to camp, reaaly dun feel like going after so long MC, haha.. chao keng is the word for me people in camp call me. let it be, i dun care. going to have busy time in camp for the rest of the period, keep myself busy so that time will pass faster. shall stop here..

admitted on 21 discharged today

i was admitted to hospital yesterday for my head injury,was discharged today. so sad living there, haha.. other patients got the whole family to visit them the but i was alone. luckily, my friends came down to visit me during the night time.. sneak out and have dinner with them at newton circus. went back to the ward at aound 1am then toss and turn until dunno what time then i fall asleep. on the 200107, the day we are declared by the law then we will be separated. the feeling was intolerable. went to meet my friends at tanjong pagar for a drink before going down to boat quay to attend xiaoxin birthday, drink until over the limit then barely 4 i was knock out. i did something which i am not supposed to do, i message her. haiz... things finally end and i will start to forget everything once she is attached because that mean she have forget everything and i will not go and think so much. hope it will happen soon so that i will not be so devasted. life go on lonely till fate comes in again..

got to admitted to hospital tomorrow

went to see doctor today, he asked me to go hospital at once for overall check-up, what happen to me? but i did not go because tomorrow have to sign the thing if i never go then later problem alot. decided to sign the thing then go for check-up, got to stay in hospital, sianz. realy hope nothing serious will happen.. may god bless me.

feeling unwell

feel like vomitting always since the day i fell and hit my head. dunno what is happening to me? is it because i have been thinking too much, but i don't think i have wonder so much. hope to get better. seeing doctor tomorrow to assess my condition. finally saturday is coming, can be a free man after that day. can do whatever i want, simply love the past of me. carefree and with nothing to worry. receive a very surprise msg from my friend, have not been contacting her since sec 2 and yet she still treat me as her friend. msg me to console about my problem. sometimes the world is really funny, when you think the thing that will not happen will always come so abruptly. interesting part of life. she advice me on what i can do to let the incident erase off from my mind. thanks man. at least i know that by losing her doesn't mean end of the world for me, and i still have my friends to rely on when i am troubled. god bless my friends. night everyone

don't wanna know anymore things from her

i am not going to view her thing anymore, don't wanna know too much. at least still can keep some good memories about her and not entirely bad memories. ignorance is bliss. luckily, someone is there for me to listen to my problem and share my burden. have been giving me great advice, thanks pal. i am prepared to give up everything if there is no way out for me. don't force me to the wits end. you know what i mean. facing this type of person can only be heartless and no other thing else. also dunno why suddenly i on my comp just to write this.

fall down on 150107

what an unlucky day i had yesterday, had a fall and hit the back of my head. felt so giddy and seeing blurred vision. fuxing drove me to see doctor at TTSH and was given three days mc. after eating the medicine, feel alot better. sometimes still feel giddy, maybe think too much already.. i have slowly adapt to my life, don't feel so lost and helpless. losing her actually let me realize actually there are more important things for me to treasure. going through this are just part of my life that i need to pass through. starting, i cannot accept the fact but after knowing so much things i feel it's better this way. will act accordingly to what i have plan, i really hope that the final outcome will be what i have expected. now then i realize, i am strong in nature also. 4 more days to sign the separation agreement, last thing for me to endure and once i overcome the pain, i will be a better person. buck up zhiguang, don't let anything defeat you again. i can do it..

don't look down on people

wanna visit my son today but ended up in a lost. excuses too much and what the f***. money cannot help you win everything, lazy people will not survive long. don't think always people really love with you with their heart, sometimes are just other things. a?? r???? of course can survive, people just love that. luckily, i have already decided to put down if not life ahead will unpredictable.

lonely life with no one to share my problem..

going to sleep soon, on monday 08012007 i was doing guard duty at camp, so boring and tiring.. after three month never do guard, really shag out. our 2 year anniversary on that day, kind of sad but what to do? are forgetting that difficult, i really wanna erase the sad memory from my heart, i really don want to think of it anymore. i don't deserve this type of suffering. miss my son alot, feel like seeing him. don't talk about this already, today after guard rest i went to see the SAF counsellor and chit-chat for awhile then i went to meet fuxing. after having dinner, play number with them and come back at 1 plus. stay at home will let me think so much but going out must spend money. really cannot afford to go out so often liao.. sure die like that. just wish that everything will pass over soon and i can be the zhiguang i once used to be.

what a day

jus finish bathing, so tired going to zzZz soon, today went out to help fuxing carry study table to his gf sis house and after that went to wash car with him. quite fun, used towash bike last time but now is car. 2 days also never kena activated back to camp, very lucky. tomorrow guard duty, so shag.. very lonely for the past three weeks, sometimes feel i am turning crazy, haha.. what to do.. everytimes happy also no good because gt sad times then become happy again at least something. life is so tough ahead, will i be able to take it? going to sleep le.. night everyone

a sunny saturday morning

one last dance, a very boring show i watch last night. the storyline was very boring, just write one name and put inside the red packet then the killer will kill the person and lastly, the killer commit suicide. what a show man. wating to be activated back to camp. will be going out to have lunch soon.. everyday alone will very boring, dunno what can i do to make my life more lively? for the next few days before signing the separation, i will not get to see my son because she don wish to see me so if i go then will be very awkward seeing her. actually after separated for nearly a month, i am getting used to be sleeping alone since the day which i wrote her a letter. think abit then can get to sleep le, not bad. at least don need to take pill like for the 1st two weeks. good for me. i hope 2007 will be a good year for me but yesterday ah boy told me he went for fortune telling and he say those born in the year of rat, 2007 and 2008 will not be a good year and must wait until 2009 before good luck is here. so long sianzz lah. will stop here.

tomorrow mob manning, bored lah

today went to meet ah boy and have a chat with him and he ask me to drink with him, 1st time ever in my life that i drink beer in the afternoon.. left at 8 plus to go home and watch the 'bai wan bao' last espisode.. quite touching, the story tell us never to give up ourselves even we have come to the lowest of our life, miracle happen if you will to work hard. good show. going out soon to watch movie, 'one last dance'. should be one very intresting and exciting. i have learn to let go of the things that i should not have kept in my heart, everything have a solution and no bad times last forever. go go go, zhiguang. maybe tomorrow will kena activated back to camp, sianzz hope will never happen. ok, good night everyone

letting go isn't bad sometimes

went back to camp today, so sianzz. holiday mood no more already, have decided to stay put in my camp don wish to post up already. last time wanted to work and support my family but now there is not a need anymore. i will be going thru really low times for the next one year and three months. strongest survive. i don want to be remind of sad things again, i will start another relationship to forget my present sorrow. nothing for me to miss. i hope my next partner will be someone who can understand me inside out. willingly to go thru good and bad times together with me without any complains, maybe this type of girls are extinct but i will work hard before i wanted to start the relationship. always tend to fall in love easily that's why i being lead to this torment. never to mention her again, once go let her go forever. i will be looking forward and never again i will look back. no matter how tough the road ahead, i will do my best to get over it. its time i wake up and plan for my future, have been living in daze for the past 22 years. achieve nothing for myself but bringing alot of troubles to my family. i will treasure the things i had in the future. take care.

she called me..

after i blog this morning, suddenly she called me at 6 plus, if other time i will off my hp to silent but i dunnno why i did not on. sometimes we can think the same, but yesterday i was sad when i receive her cal because knowing her for so long she seldom drink and she was dead drunk when she called me. i have told her my thinking,there is just simply too much misunderstanding between us and we also don wanna admit defeat. in the end, she told me not to conatct her anymore and she will be changing her contact. i not going to blame her for severing ties with me, i must try to understand her feelings. if by not contacting, she can forget her pain i don mind. fen, you must be strong, as you say time willl heal everything. if you are lucky enough, you can find a better one next time. i really felt sorry for baby. in the afternoon, i went to meet nanny and also visit javier. nanny whole family plus me and javier went to have lunch and later went to game arcade centre, wehn i saw other family playing so happily AS A FAMILY, i feel so sad. life will be tough ahead but i will still move on.

everything will come an to end

today i finally pluck up my courage to ask her out but she told me that she don wish to meet and will only meet me when the day we sign the separation paper. at least now she will tell me how she feel, this is the first time, i am really glad. although we will be coming to an end but i know she will be happy. at least i tried to salvage it for the last time. i think maybe this is fate that we have to meet and have a baby but we cant stay until eternal. i must learn to let go, loving someone doesn't mean we have to with the person, at least she is happy and i will also feel better. tough to let go but if the relationship were destined to end no one can stop. one last request from her was to go out as a family to zoo and take a family photo, because i have long to bring my son to the zoo. i have been giving myself too much stress, i tend to ponder tons of things in my mind. day by day, i will let go bit by bit till the day i can sleep peacefully without thinking so much. she is strong by nature and i really admired her. she can say let go mean let go this is something which i cant do for all my relationship. i iwll keep myself occupied with things everyday so as not to think so much. fen, you must live in bliss in the future, don ever find someone like my character and the next person must be someone who can provide you with the things you need. here, i sincerely wish you all the best. from today onward, i iwll pick myself up and strive for the better. loving you was never a regret and letting go is to give you the chance to find for your true love. we both shall look forward and never look back. sorry for the problem that i have given you and thanks for the memories you have given me. i will be strong and move on with my life. take care.

mixed feelings

three days never blog already, here i wish everyone a happy 2007 and a prosperous year ahead. on 28,29 and 30 was with my son, good to be with him. But the more i see him the more my heartache. it used to be a happy family of 3 but haizzz... most of my friends say that i chose the choice but i told them the reason, they seemed to understand my point of view. maybe i am selfish to ask her to give up her friends and to be with me and i know she wun forsake her friends just for me, actually i got nothing against her friends but the more she mixed with them, i got a bad feeling that something will happen. she should know what i mean. yesterday night went to sembawang park to bbq and countdown to 2007 but the happy mood is not there, just dunno why? heard from friends that she is also at bbq in a friend place, should be enjoying. stay there until 2 and my friend send me back. when i reach home, i was thnking of updating my blog but my brother was playing game, got so muct to write yesterday but now everything like went missing already. i hope the year 2007 will be fun, no worry and will go smoothly ahead.