what am i thinking of?

i told her what have i been thinking of. i regret but what done cannot be undone. why can't i just be contented with her as a friend? she make a good friend but i feel that i wll hurt her if we will be together.. i don wan to hurt someone that i want to love. she is a good girl and i really cant bear to do anything to her. i hope you can understand me if you read this blog. i know i being selfish but .... it enough that i have get to know you. it have been a long time since i fall in love again, the feeling is great but no fate, haha.. wen, you take care. i miss you..

slping soon

i had a long and bored day today, campmates went for exercise but i did not participate.. thought they going out for exercise so during lunch time i went up to my bunk to have a nap but by the time i wake up, it was already 4plus in the afternoon. sgt terence called me and said that OC and OPS WO was angry with me for missing in action but i just simply bo chap but luckily nothing bad happen to me. saty at he office for the whole evening until 10 plus then i get to book out. send ah long home b4 going back home. watch the scv until now, going to sleep after i take my bath. i am so tired, OoOOooo, yawning already..

long time nv chat for so long le

jus finish chatting with wen, we chat for 260min.. long time nv chat for so long le.. have a good chat with her, talked about alot of things.. she shared alot of things, haha.. today went out with ah bee and his supplier really giving me problem.. stuck in the middle, dunno what to tell my friends, haiz.. went to play billiard and play fruit machine after that. after dinner, went back to camp for awhile b4 heading back home. awhile more going back to camp le, will be damn shag today.. long day ahead.

a down guy

going out to have my lunch, ytd night dunno why i behave out of normal, became very pek chek and bao zhao.. i think i must have gone bonker, wanna cool down for a few days.. i wanna say sorry to someone as i dunno whether did i flare up at her??? too many things was on my mind last night, suddenly my mood just swing and i became like a mad fellow. never go to camp today, i just wanna relax myself and cool down. i hate myself, why do i tend to fall in love easily? i must learn to control myself, i dun want to hurt anyone and to be hurt by others. friend are forever.. i want the woman that i will ever love again to be happy with me in the fture, i dun want her to suffer with me. ok lah, dun talk abt this type of matter le, so childish of me, haha.. time i stop before i faint from hunger..

1st meeting with her

saturday went out with ah ong, ah long, sgt donald, jialiang and wen. 1st outing with her, kinda shy when i see her, always like that man.. haha.. went out to watch harry potter, i find it very boring, not much of action and nearly fall asleep when watching.. after the show went over to MT Faber park and thought of getting a drink there to relax but it closed at 3 and we reach around 2.15 so decided to switch place. went to maxwell b4 heading to amber 21.. had a drink there and stay till 5 plus before we went home. was raining since we reach the pub and b4 we left also heavy rain. i hate rainy days.. end of saturday.. slept till 1 plus in the afternoon b4 going down to pearl's cantre to get memory card for my friend. went visit ah heng and chit chat with him. overheard his conversation with wanfen, there this thing that she said that make me feel more disgust toward her.. heng ask:"never cal zhiguang meh?" she reply:" for what? she already got a new girl." dunno anything then talk freely, when the 1st 2 months when we break up, i fall into depression for two month, does she know? been on medication for two mths until i finally wake up my fucking idea not to fall deep into it anymore. anyway, everything is finally over, but the main problem is that have to wait until end of 2009 before can finalize our divorce.. wow, that is long.. why got this stupid law that have to seperate for 3yrs before getting divorce, shag man. after leaving heng home then went to meet wen for dinner at jurong point, had fish & co, still the same taste, which is yummy.. later on went to pass memory card to my friend at woodlands before sending wen back.. she is a WEIRD gal, damn cute and funny.. like to mumble to herself and suddenly laugh out for no reason. funny girl.. anyway, she is a guai guai type girl.. keep it out. haha.. friend forever!!! later went back camp and something bad happen which give me and my friend headache but luckily everything is settled.. the legend of TOKYO DRIFT.. haiz.. very unlucky for the past one month, dunno what we did??? stay in camp the whole night, wake up 7.10am in the morning, can say never slp at all, because the whole night i was chasing the mosquito away, hate the flying thing.. DAMN IT.. last day of supply assistant course, took my test and pass.. so happy.. after the test just relax before i finally went back at 4plus.. went to meet ah long and had diner with him before coming home and slack till now.. one shot update for three days, wow so much to say.. can say good night le..

i dun understand myself

will be going out to meet my fuxing later on for dinner.. i felt that i getting more and more to the wrong side.. when will i change for the better? i really dun understand myself.. this two days was quite fun, went msia on saturday to relax myself with campmates and later at night went to kbox at marina square.. get to know a gal at there, haha.. dunno why after the failed marriage, i have no confidence in relationship.. i dun like the feelings of being tied up because of a relationship after the divorced, i like to go out and play whatever i like and dun need to worry of later how am i going to account to who who. will i ever get happiness in a relationship in the future? i have so many question marks in my life, i dunno when will i be able to solve the problems... sometimes how i wish i can just migrate to another country and start my life anew. lastly, i am really sorry to my son, i have not seen him since then they brought him back.. although i can see him but i really dun wish to go up because of ..... maybe one day, you will not acknowledge me as your father but in my heart you will always be there, pardon daddy for doing this. i love you, javier..