i am getting paranoid, why am i behaving like that. something wrong with me??

i just realize that i have been thinking too much and too imaginative. why am i behaving like that?? i really need one expert to help me on this, i cant be like this forever. i will go crazy one day, please can anyone help me?? after sitting down and thought through, am i really the one who let this relationship down? i hope i will be cured someday and my next girlfriend will not suffer with me because of my this suspicious condition. something must have happen before that i am behaving this way. anyway, tomorrow i will be meeting the lawyer and i am not sure whether we are signing the document tomorrow? i really hope if she saw this blog, she can tell me how is my behaviour all this years? all i know no matter what happen, this is the end. the both of us will not go and salvage this marriage anymore, i personally think this is the better way out but i dunno for her. hope to see the rainbow after the rain.