what kind of person am i facing all this years??

i have just deleted all my previous blog, think nothing much to talk about. just reach home, this three days have been enjoyable for me. went out to drink on saturday and until drunk and had a hard day on sunday. keep vomitting like nobody business. finally that night i don need to take anything to sleep. sleep peacefully. saw my son today at bugis, hug him and suddenly felt like crying because i just miss him too much. hearing him calling me papa today, the feeling is good and warmth. i hope god bless him with good health. today before i went out to meet my friend i went to friendster web and saw her profile and saw that particular person which she had tattooed his name on her body. i thought they have already break contact but i was wrong. dunno whether is it because of what, that day she suddenly msg me the D thing. i really hope got nothing to do with him if not i am really the loser. anyway, being together i have been the loser not for the 1st time. can anyone teach me what to do? i know i am suspicious but you did so much things to me in the past that there still this shadow. not easy to overcome that shadow, you wun understand. taking out the load is easy but letting it down really takes alot of courage. i know this time round i will be able to let go and seek the happiness that i really need. everything will be fine after the rain.